I create blogs....

I don't know who to talk to... Creating blogs can be so cathartic to a degree. I mean, I write all the time, in journals, in my own website, on fifty million other blog like websites that I've created and dumped...but creating a blog, venting out all your shit for the first time, and posting it anonymously to the world makes it all better...sorta. Realistically, I know I will probably be the only one who reads this site but at least I can feel that I've made my announcement to the world.

Now. Moving on to the "announcement":

My life sucks. Ok, it doesn't but it's getting pretty depressing. I'm getting married in two months and I'm having a major wedding. I have a well known officiant, a well known beautiful Tibetan singer, my ceremony will be taking place in a popular area with unbelievable architechture in public, and I may even be on T.V. Unfortunately, despite the loans we've taken out, we still can't afford the wedding because suddenly all these financial issues arised. Our cat who has cancer has been depleting our funds because of our efforts to save him and make him feel like a normal cat again, our basement flooded and although my parents own the house they have no money either so we paid for all $2200 of it out of our wedding funds, my car died and I haven't the money to fix it, medical expenses for me, finishing my masters and paying for that as well..... And I'm guilt ridden... I think my other cat has cancer (which will be the third cat) due to a lump in her belly and a small red lump or scar on her..... I can't pay for it. We maxed out everything. Everything.

I want to be angry at God but I don't believe in God. I try to convince myself that this is the way of life - particularly my life, that without suffering there would be no happiness, but it's getting more and more difficult to maintain my positive attitude. It's not fair for us. We've been through so much, with him nearly dying twice, surgery, being sick all the time, everyone around us dying, cats getting fucking cancer for god's sake.... I'm tired and I want my moment. I really feel depressed.